Hidden Potential

Many of us carry the idea that perfect love exists. We imagine an idealized version of a loving relationship where everything is flawless and effortless. This notion is deeply ingrained by stories in media and society, as they often present love as an idealized, flawless experience. Through fairy tales, advertising, TV, movies, and social media, where we see curated images of happy couples and idyllic relationships, we are constantly exposed to unrealistic portrals of love. Over time, these stories shape our subconscious expectations, making us believe that love should be free of conflict, growth pains, or imperfections.

The New Age movement also has a part to play. In spiritual circles, we often talk about soul mates or karmic connections as destined, perfect unions that are "meant to be," subtly perpetuating the myth that love should arrive perfect and never falter. This can cause disappointment and frustration when love doesn’t meet these lofty expectations, and it may even lead us to ignore healthy boundaries or red flags.

The truth is, perfect love is a myth. Chasing an impossible ideal can prevent us from truly connecting with real, meaningful relationships. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect love to be free of flaws, conflict, or growth opportunities.

Unrealistic expectations of love can cause us to overlook or dismiss healthy relationships because they don’t match this perfect image. This mindset often leads to frustration, dissatisfaction, and even self-sabotage, as we focus on what’s missing rather than appreciating what’s genuinely present. It can also cause us to hold onto past hurts or idealize someone, making it difficult to accept love that is authentic and imperfect.

Love is built on trust, communication, and effort, not perfection. Similarly, growth and vulnerability are essential components of real love. Recognizing that love is an ongoing practice, full of imperfections and lessons, allows us to relax expectations and cultivate more genuine, fulfilling connections. When we release the myth of perfect love, we open ourselves to the beauty of real relationships imperfect but deeply nourishing.

EXERCISES

Reflections

~ What do I believe love should look or feel like?

~Am I holding onto a specific image or idea that might not be realistic?

~ Are there qualities I think I must have in a partner or relationship for it to be “right”? Are these qualities based on my genuine needs or societal conditioning?

~ Do I believe there is only one “true” love or soulmate for me? How does this belief impact my openness to different kinds of love?

~ What stories or messages about love did I grow up with? How might these stories shape my current beliefs and expectations?

~ When I imagine my ideal relationship, what stories or fantasies come up? Are these stories rooted in reality or idealized notions?

Reflecting honestly on these questions can help you uncover hidden illusions and create space for a more authentic, grounded view of love. Would you like me to help you craft a journaling exercise or meditation based on these questions?

Acceptance Meditation

~ Come into seated meditation. Take a moment for some gentle grounding and self-soothing.

~ Breathe gently for a while. Then bring to mind your current situation in love, all the feelings, longings, disappointments, wounds and physical sensations. With an attitude of acceptance, allow them all to be present like weather in the sky.

~ As you continue, you may experience different emotions surfacing in layers. Loneliness, fear, disappointment, numbness, wanting to give up or run away. Just let them come and go as part of your system’s healing process. There’s nothing you have to do with these feelings. Nothing to fix. Nothing to change. Just allow them to be present with a gentle, loving, accepting attitude.

~ Next, visualize a relationship or love you desire. As thoughts about perfect love arise, imagine placing them gently on a cloud and watch each one drift away, returning back to the clarity of the sky.

~ Finally, take a few minutes to repeat silently: “I accept my life and love as they are.” Feel the resonance of these words in your body, however that shows up for you.

This is an important practice you can repeat regularly.

Letting Go Journaling Exercise

~ Write down all beliefs you hold about perfect love (e.g., “Love must be effortless,” “There’s only one perfect partner”).

~ Next, challenge each belief by asking: “Is this true all the time? How does holding onto this belief limit me?”

~ Finally, write a new affirmation, such as, “Love is a journey of growth and acceptance,” or “Imperfections are what make love real.”

Read your affirmations aloud daily to reinforce the shift.

Ritual of Release

~ In this ritual we will release ourselves from the cage of our own expecatations by symbolically let go of false ideals.  

~ Gather a small object that represents your old beliefs about perfect love. This could be something generic like a stone or a piece of paper, or it could also be an object you’ve been holding onto that symbolises the promise of ideal love, like a specific item of clothing, a toy from childhood, or a picture.

~ Hold it in your hands and hold the intention to release the illusion that love must be perfect.

~ Depending on what it is you can release it somehow to the elements at a location that feels meaningful for you. You might choose to bury it in earth so that it’s energy can be ‘recycled’ in a new way. You could burn or tear and scatter paper items, releasing it’s energy back to the air element. Or you could offer your item to the ocean or a lake, asking for the powers of water to transmute the emotional energy bound up around love.

~ As you do this, breathe in deeply and affirm: “I welcome love that is real, tender, and whole.”