Chapter 6: The Star
Thriving alone and finding happiness within ourselves is not about patching gaps or waiting for someone to complete us. Instead, it’s about developing a robust sense of inner stability and genuine contentment that doesn’t depend on external validation. When we have a deep understanding of our own wants, values, and boundaries, we become more attractive and authentic in our relationships. This foundation of confidence and clarity enables us to connect with others from a place of emotional abundance, not need.
Loneliness
If you feel lonely from time to time, or even chronically, you’re not alone. Loneliness has become a widespread phenomenon that touches a significant portion of the global population. Despite living in an era of unprecedented connectivity, many people still report feeling profoundly isolated. Studies show that loneliness isn’t just a fleeting emotion; it’s a chronic issue affecting mental and physical health, increasing risks of depression, anxiety, cardiovascular problems, and even shortening lifespan.
This paradox of hyper-connectivity and deep loneliness is driven by a lack of genuine, meaningful relationships. Many of us experience superficial interactions that don’t satisfy our deeper emotional needs, leading to feelings of alienation and disconnection. Understanding how pervasive loneliness has become highlights the importance of nurturing our inner emotional resilience, fostering authentic relationships, and learning to embrace solitude as a way to reconnect with ourselves and heal the loneliness that so many of us experience.
Embracing Solitude
While there are proactive things we can do to connect, it’s also important to recognise that there’s no one quick easy ‘fix’ for loneliness, and trying to find that in a partner is asking for trouble. The healthiest way is through; consciously welcoming the strange medicine of loneliness, embracing solitude and finding peace within ourselves is a vital part of personal growth and authentic connection.
While we may need to accept that a certain degree of loneliness may remain present, we can also come to appreciate the sacred space that solitude offers to explore our inner world, reconnect with our values, and cultivate self-awareness.
Social stigma
Social pressure and stigma around being alone can be some of the most challenging aspects of embracing solitude. Many people feel judged, uncomfortable, or shy about doing everyday activities like eating in a restaurant or going to a movie by themselves, due to societal expectations that social validation is essential for happiness or self-worth.
This pressure can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, or even avoidance of solo experiences altogether, which in turn can reinforce feelings of loneliness or social alienation.
The key is shifting our mindset from external validation to internal acceptance. Recognizing that being alone does not diminish our value or worth, and that it can be a powerful act of self-care, helps reduce the impact of societal judgments.
When we learn to be comfortable in our own company, we build a foundation of resilience, inner trust, and self-love, qualities that naturally attract healthier, more genuine relationships. Embracing this inner space allows us to grow beyond external validation, turning loneliness into an opportunity for soulful reflection, creativity, and profound self-discovery. Ultimately, true connection begins with a deep, compassionate relationship with ourselves.
EXERCISE
Gentle self-compassion meditation
~ Find a comfortable space, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. As you inhale, imagine filling yourself with compassion. As you exhale, release any resistance or judgment about feeling lonely. Silently repeat affirmations such as, “It’s okay to feel lonely. I am gentle with myself,” or “This is a moment of connection with my inner self.” Practice this daily to foster acceptance and kindness toward your feelings.
Self-reflection journal
~ Set aside some time to journal about your experience with solitude. Focus on noticing what arises—thoughts, feelings, sensations—and observe them without judgment. Ask yourself:
“What can I appreciate about this moment of solitude?”
“How does this time help me reconnect with my true self?”
This practice cultivates gratitude and shifts your perspective from seeing loneliness as a void to recognizing it as a valuable space for growth.
Create a sacred sanctuary
~ Designate a cosy corner or space in your home as your “sanctuary” for solitude. Use it for meditation, journaling, listening to music, or simply being present. Regularly spend time there, engaging in mindful activities that deepen your comfort with your own company. This physical act of creating a special space helps you associate solitude with peace rather than loneliness.
Reframe your inner dialogue
~ Whenever loneliness arises, gently reframe your thoughts:
Instead of “I am alone,” try “This is a moment for me to reconnect with my inner self.”
Instead of “I feel lonely,” say, “I am learning to enjoy my own presence.”
By changing your inner dialogue, you cultivate a sense of acceptance and gratitude for solitude.
Connect with nature or creative expression
~ Spend time outdoors: walking, gardening, or simply observing nature’s rhythms. Alternatively, engage in creative activities like drawing, writing, or playing music. These practices help you feel more connected to the world around and within, transforming solitude into a nourishing, inspiring experience.
Get out of your comfort zone
~ Notice where you hold yourself back from going out due to shyness or fear of judgement around being alone, and see if you can start to widen your world even a little bit. Start small: brief solo outings in environments where you feel safe, reminding yourself that these experiences are acts of independence and self-love. Over time, this builds confidence and erodes the stigma, allowing you to enjoy your own company without feeling self-conscious or pressured to conform.